Who is Responsible for Our Dignity and Self-Respect?

There are two Hindi movies that remain fresh in my mind – Pink (2016) and Article 15 (2019) because I hate it when women are ill-treated or portrayed as weaklings. This piece is not about who is right or who is wrong or feminism; today I would like to explore the topic of self-respect and dignity. Quite a heavy preweekend read, though.

What is self-respect? The Merriam Webster dictionary gave two definitions: 1: a proper respect for oneself as a human being 2: regard for one's own standing or position. Cambridge dictionary said `a feeling of respect for yourself that shows that you value yourself’.  So, the question is how does one respect oneself?  What do we do to respect ourselves?

Late grandpa used to share lots of stories while I was growing up in my sleepy hollow hometown. He once told me a story about my late grandma, who was his first wife. They were all rubber tappers who went through the horrors of life during the Japanese occupation of Malaya. There was one particular story that gives me goose bumps till today. It was at the height of Japanese Occupation. My grandparents lived in estates, most of them were rubber tappers. They were out at 4 a.m. for roll call and have to complete tapping by 6.30 a.m. so that they can collect latex by 11.30 a.m. and send to the collection centre by 1 p.m.

During the Japanese occupation, Malayan Communist movement was also very prevalent. The Malayan communist opposed the Japanese Army in Malaya. These communists moved in jungles close to rubber estates. Estate workers who go rubber tapping were not allowed to carry anything but rice broth (the water that will be discarded after rice cooks, if we cook rice the Indian way) in clear bottles (there we no plastic then). Why? Because the Japanese knew that some sympathisers did share food with the communist insurgents, thus that was the rule then. It seems each rubber tapper’s bottle would be scrutinized, held up against light, to ensure there were no rice grains inside the broth and if even one grain was found the Japanese army personnel would not only pour out the broth, as punishment, he would also break the bottle. So, that rubber tapper would go hungry that day. As it happened, late grandma was a frail woman. Having grown up in a rich family, studied at Malacca Sacred Heart Convent School (yes, that is one very old school in this country; still exists) before the Second World War, when her mum passed on, her life took a turn for the worse. The war added to it. She married late grandpa at the age of 14 and had my mum at the age of 16.

So, to help her, late grandma used to take mum (now deceased) along for rubber tapping and during one of those mother-daughter tapping days, they were stopped by a Japanese soldier deep in the rubber estate. In Japanese language he pointed at my mum and asked her to follow him. Late grandma pulled mum’s hand back, stepped in front and said `no’. The Japanese soldier tried to pull my mum but late grandma did not allow. She slapped his hand away. He became angry and grabbed her bottle of broth, poured out half of the contents to the ground. That was the punishment. He, then, handed the bottle back to her. And what happened next was really unexpected. Late grandma Rosemary, took the bottle, poured out the rest of the contents and then smashed the bottle on the ground! It was said that the Japanese soldier never bothered them ever again. Though, later in the day, she was beaten up by late grandpa for smashing the bottle, when he narrated to story to me, that night, he was very proud that she stood her ground on that day.

Looking back at the Merriam Webster definition of self-respect - regard for one's own standing or position – I believe every one of us have a moral obligation to ourselves to stand our grounds even when our own safety and security is threatened. It’s like pushing the limits to see how far we would go just to accommodate something outside our own morality and comfort zone. For everyone, there would be a breaking point, beyond which he or she would not compromise. Once that stage is achieved, life would certainly take a turn, usually for the worse. Some call it the test of faith for doing the right thing. For those who do not cross that breaking point, they would feel something die inside them – I believe it is called self-respect.

Late grandma could have given her daughter to the Japanese soldier to save her life; could have taken the remaining broth to satiate the hunger of the two of them. But at that moment, to her, doing either one would tantamount to losing her self-respect and dignity. In other words, dignity does not stand alone. It depends largely on the act of the preservation of self-respect. Late grandma did not want to compromise against her believe that parents must protect their children and she did not take handouts or pity of others. She would rather go hungry than to succumb to the mercy of the Japanese soldier.

Fast forward to our times, I have seen physically challenged people selling tissue and other stuff on pathways. They prefer to fend for themselves than beg for the mercy of others. That is self-respect and dignity.

On my way to work, daily, I walk through an overhead bridge that cuts across the highway. On the overhead bridge one finds a man, not so old, sits and begs. He is bodily abled, he stores his stuff on the ceiling beams of the overhead bridge and every morning he climbs on the railing to retrieve them. One misstep and he would end up on the highway below. So, though he is totally bodily-abled, he prefers to live off the mercy of others. So, where is dignity for one who expects handouts rather than work hard for a living? Where is dignity for one who chooses not to fight for his belief/livelihood but  takes easier path of compromising on values and morality?

Going back to the two movies, in Pink, when drunk dudes tried to rape them, the three main characters in the film fought back, fought in the court and of course, won the case in the end. They could have given up, as they were shamed more in court, than the would-be rapists, but they stood their ground.

In Article 15, the character played by Ayushman Khurana could have compromised with local MPs and leaders and classify death of two girls as honour killing in return for huge amount of cash and comforts, of course, but despite all odds and attacks on him, he went ahead and convicted the actual killers.

Standing one’s ground brings dignity to the fore. Not, compromising and accepting favours and handouts. Self-respect and dignity are like two sides of the heart, when one side dies, the other, follows. Have a great weekend, folks!!