All That Smothers...


Someone sent me the following cheeky picture!
                            
That’s smothering or `mothering’ with (of) an ass (S) (pun definitely intended). Let’s face it – every girl wants a daddy sometime in her life, so does every guy – a mummy. Basically, we all need to be cared for. The question is – do we need to be cared for in that way, in a relationship?  A relationship is a level playing field. You are in it together, not for the sake of one another. One should be in a relationship because he/she sees value in it for himself or herself. Because he/she wants to be with the other person.  Not because there is a reason that appeals to the sense. If someone says ` I am in this relationship for so and so…’ it’s time to get out of it.  I said that, too, once a upon a time. I thought I was `sacrificing’ and yes, in the end I was `sacrificed’.  By the time I realized it was a mistake, it was almost too late. But better late than never.

That’s the past. Admit it – women tend to smother at times. If you had watched the movie De De Pyar De, you will see how women can be `fathered’ – smothered by a father figure, too. It’s natural instinct in human beings. Everyone wants some kind of comfort which is identified to a known relationship – mother/father. Cool.

But in a relationship, that should be avoided. Why? Because if you are the answer to all his/her problems, then you lose your value as a partner. You become either an ATM or handkerchief to wipe tears or just a doormat…trust me, I was someone’s doormat for 16 years!

Now, I have wisened up. I just listen to his woes, which comes once in a blue moon. You see, men have ego and to them it’s un-cool to pour out all emotions to the partner. More so men from some `selected' regions – they have Himalayan egos! 

But, for the fun of it -  let’s just run a check to see if there is (s) mothering anywhere – single X is a No, I don’t do it. XX is NOOOOOOOOO!!! :
  • You pick out what clothes you think your partner should wear. X (He has his own cool style, ain’t gonna mess with that)
  • Your conversation style with your mate is baby talk or a mothering or parental tone of voice. XX (Ugh!! get outta here!!)
  • You think nothing of putting food on your partner's plate, cutting your partner's meat, or pestering your spouse to eat all the vegetables on his or her plate. X (I do not fancy sharing protein shakes, bro!)
  • Waking your partner up in the morning. X (Ain’t gonna tell you anything about this)
  • When traveling, you pack your partner's suitcase. X (He is more organised than me)
  • You style your mate's hair. X (Ain’t gonna go there, that’s his pride - remember the Himalayan ego? Keep away!)
  • You are the official reminder person in your family, whether it is to take medications, finish a chore, or be on time somewhere. X (Nope!)
  • You believe one of your roles is to correct your partner's behavior. XX (Why would I want someone like me? One of me is enough!)
  • You often cater to his or her every need. X (Nope. Ain’t his momma!)
  • You are overprotective. X (Some level of concerns, that’s all)
  • You make appointments with doctors for your mate. X (He doesn’t need the doctor at this age)
  • You buy your partner's clothes. X (Sometimes, just a t shirt or so...that’s harmless, folks)
  • You fill out medical or legal forms for your mate. X (Doesn’t need them)
  • You pick up after your partner. X (He is far more organised – ex-Army guy, dude)
  • You keep track of your partner's belongings like eyeglasses, car keys, or wallet. √ (though he is very organized on his own)
Phew!! There you go - you have the proof- I am not smothering him! That gives me confidence that I am doing the right thing this time around. No more door-matting. You may want to run through the above check list, too. Well, just in case. Life’s too short to keep repeating mistakes, so a check and balance helps sometimes😃. 

By the way - thank you for that cheeky picture!!

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